Many people are confused about what it means to forgive someone who has gravely harmed you. And this is understandable, for two reasons: 1) people see anger as a feeling rather than a choice, and 2) there are two basic concepts that share the word “forgiveness”: a) absolution or remission of guilt, and b) letting go of anger and resentment.
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Remission of guilt (2a) happens only when there is genuine repentance in the offender. Letting go of anger and resentment (2b) is what Jesus commands of all of us in the Our Father prayer (forgive us our trespasses [sins] as we forgive those who trespass against us). This begins with a choice, and continues with the process of healing.
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If the offender has repented and is reconciled with God (2a), we are to welcome him back to restored relations, if prudence dictates extraordinary means of self-protection are not necessary. On the other hand, if the offender has not repented (2b), restored relations aren’t called for, but the obligation remains to let go of resentment while willing/praying that the offender respond to grace and repent of his ways. This is what Erika Kirk meant in her unforgettable speech.
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On the natural level this is impossible; but “with God all things are possible” (Mt 19:26). And sine “God wills all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Tm 2:4), the divine command to “love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (Mt 5:44) is not optional. If the offender ends up in Hell, your unforgiveness would not have contributed to his horrible unending fate.