I don’t watch these foolish Bachelorette shows, but an article from foxnews.com today writes of an interchange on a recent episode between two self-proclaimed Christians. In the process it speaks rather loudly about the female psyche.  (www.foxnews.com/entertainment/bachelorette-hannah-luke-sex-twitter-instagram-home)

While discerning marriage (sic), the man admits of his discomfort with the young woman’s moral beliefs on premarital sex. She, in turn, spitefully tells him she fornicated (“had sex”) twice with another male contestant, and then calls him arrogant for having voiced his value of chastity before marriage. She defiantly tells him, “Jesus still loves me!”, as if he was saying otherwise, and ends up giving him an obscene gesture as he drives away. Subsequent tweets are written, indicating that he ends up sad and heartbroken, she angry and heartbroken.

What is typical about this exchange is how she misdirects her anger. She is really angry at herself. Generally speaking, the female psyche is affected differently than the male’s by sexual union, perhaps in a deeper way. These four points are also sad but typical: a) her ignorance of the serious nature and consequences of sexual intimacy with another man, b) her denial of the same, c) her lashing out at the innocent party to avoid the guilt and shame she’s repressing, d) and her seeking support from other young women who have also been blinded by the world and are probably also repressing their own fornication regret.

What most people of her generation and her parents’ generation do not understand is that sexual union is not something you simply do, it something you become. That’s why sacred Scripture calls it “two BECOMING one flesh” (Gn 2:23) and why St. Paul scolds a Corinthian for ‘becoming one flesh’ with a prostitute (1 Cor 6:16). It creates a natural intimate relation between two people that cannot be repudiated, regardless of the wills of the partners. Premarital sex has deep and lasting effects on one’s self-esteem, soul, and future marriage. It tends to shut out God and cause deep cynicism with a ripple effect through one’s personality. It is imperative that parents inform their children of all the implications of fornication – spiritual and temporal – including the truth that they will never be able to be that unique exclusive intimate partner to one’s future spouse that marriage is meant to provide. Despite how much we deny it, everyone knows deep in their hearts that marriage is sadly diminished when the ‘marital act’ has already been shared with a non-spouse.  Forgiveness is always possible, and very important, but one can never become a virgin again as a gift to be opened for, and experienced exclusively with, one’s spouse. This is a gut-wrenching truth.

Modern science is also beginning to share interesting findings on the truth and meaning of the state of being one-flesh. Studies in microchimerism and telegony, for example, have yielded some interesting results. Psychological ramifications and studies on marriage and divorce also have indicated deleterious effects on the natural bond of marriage in those who did not save themselves as an exclusive gift for their future spouse.

So while the world suffers through its fifth decade of denial on sexual matters, it is critical that those who know better inform others of this all-important truth, before the world, the flesh, and the devil get a firm hold on their souls – whether they want to hear it or not. Love speaks what people need to hear, not what they want to hear. Only through truth are we saved.