xy – I love you.
xx – No you don’t.
xy – I don’t? What do you mean I don’t?!
xx – You may be attracted to me or feel an emotional high about me, but you don’t love me.
xy – You’re being silly. I know how I feel about you.
xx – Love is more than a feeling.
xy – It’s a feeling. What else could love be?
xx – An act of the will, a choice or decision. If you loved me you wouldn’t be asking me to sin.
xy – A Choice? People don’t choose who they love.
xy – Not true. Other animals also have feelings and passions. They’re involuntary, temporary, and fleeting. Love is personal, which means it necessitates a free choice of commitment to the other.
xy – Hold on now; aren’t you being a little dramatic?
xx – No. Are you willing give up your personal interests, and even die for me, if need be?
xy – Now you’re being really dramatic.
xx – Not at all. There may be strong physical and emotional feelings between us, but without that irrevocable commitment you only love things about me, not me.
xy – I don’t get it. I’ve always been good to you, haven’t I? I’ve always told you how beautiful you are.
xx – Will you be faithful if I gain 70 pounds? If I get cancer and need a double mastectomy? If I get into a car accident and become a paraplegic, or become permanently comatose? Picture one or more of these things occurring: Are you willing to remain faithful until death?
xy – Now you’re getting way too dramatic. We’re only in our twenties.
xx – You’re avoiding the question. How many people in their twenties today, including you, are ready and willing to give that kind of commitment?
xy – Well, I’m certainly not ready for marriage, if that’s what you mean.
xx – Then you’re not ready for the love you claim to have. Without unconditional commitment it makes saying “I love you” a falsehood. Using each other until the physical desire or emotional high wanes, or until you find someone “better”, is not love.
xy – That is insulting! I can’t believe you’re saying this.
xx – We need to be realistic and truthful. There’s a lot at stake here. How many people do you know marry their first boyfriend or girlfriend nowadays?
xy – I don’t know any.
xx – And how many in those broken relationships thought it was the love of their life while it was happening?
xy – Probably all of them.
xx – And how many broken hearts, broken lives, and hopeless cynicism does this result in?
xy – Well, I guess there are a lot of people who have regret and wished they did things differently.
xx – Deep regret. And they often carry their woundedness for the rest of their lives. Let’s you and I do things differently. Since love is a free choice to permanent commitment, and since we’re not ready for that yet, let’s not talk or act like we’re married. This way we respect each other and, if they exist, our future spouses. We also defend all involved from the deep wounds so many fall into today. There’s nothing more regretful and painful for a woman than knowing she is unable to give her whole and intimate self exclusively to her future or present husband.
xy – Ah…well, okay. What you’re saying makes sense, but I’m a little disappointed, and still confused.
xx – Our culture forms us since childhood to believe that romanticism and lust are love. It manipulates the emotions of women and the physical attractions of men for profit. These natural desires the ancient Greeks called ‘eros’. It’s a kind of “need-love”. Agape, on the other hand, is unconditional selfless sacrificial love. Eros can be a good starting point, but without agape it quickly devolves into selfishness and abuse.
xy – You mean young people are conditioned to believe selfishness and mutually consented abuse are really love?
xx – Yes. You’ve got it. Everything is about FEELINGS in our shallow, self-absorbed society today.
xy – Then why aren’t adults – parents, teachers, doctors, etc. – people who should be protecting us from the snares of our immaturity – why aren’t they warning us and teaching us virtue?
xx – Most of them were brought up in our throw-away “relationship” culture too. The sexual revolution, which began 50 years ago, made us all stupid. You now have a responsibility to be David to the Goliath of our media and academia establishments. Be bold and courageous. Do what is right despite the consequences. Only the truth can make people free (Jn 8:32).
xy – With your inspiration I’ll give it a shot. Thanks for sharing your simple wisdom. You’ve given me much to ponder. That’s something I “love” about you.